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Who Is A Bigger Woman: Hillary Clinton Or John Edwards?
July 19, 2007
The New York Post ran an article recently called "Hill Not Woman Enough: Elizabeth Edwards" (07/17/07). It condensed statements that John Edwards' wife had made in a recent interview about Hillary Clinton.
According to Elizabeth Edwards, "Sometimes you feel like you have to behave as a man and not talk about women's issues.... She wants to be commander in chief. But she's just not as vocal a women's advocate as I want to see. John is."
In light of these statements pitting Clinton against Edwards on women's issues, we decided to conduct a scientific study to determine who is more of a woman... John Edwards or Hillary Clinton. The results will astound you.
To conduct our experiment, we used proprietary face recognition software from myheritage.com. After importing images of the two candidates, the mega-computers at myheritage matched the facial dimensions and distinctions against their tremendous database of celebrities and other recognizable individuals. To keep the results fair, we also included an image of Elizabeth Edwards to act as a null sample.
The images you see here are real. When the M.H. computers were asked to identify similar looking people, all three of our subjects created high-tech gender confusion. Hillary Clinton's picture returned the following lookalikes: Lucille Ball, Susan Sarandon, Sir Ian McKellen and Jon Voight.
The computers surmised that John Edwards resembled Tony Danza, Joe Montana and Katie Couric.
As for our null subject, Elizabeth Edwards - she too caused gender dysphoria. Her results: Joan Colins, Consuelo Velazquez and Chinese revolutionary Sun Yat Sen.
Having reached a tie in our computerized assessment of womanliness, we then turned to a subjective analysis of womanly traits displayed by the candidates. A point system was created. For instance, John Edwards' propensity for expensive hairdos and the amount of time he spends grooming himself earned 8 woman points. If a candidate showed a tendency to let their wives fight their battles for them, 6 woman points were awarded. If a candidate was in actuality a physical woman with breasts and female genitalia, the highest award of 10 points was given.
And the results...
Presidential Candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles and goofs of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.
Posted on July 19, 2007 12:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
July 19, 2007
The New York Post ran an article recently called "Hill Not Woman Enough: Elizabeth Edwards" (07/17/07). It condensed statements that John Edwards' wife had made in a recent interview about Hillary Clinton.
According to Elizabeth Edwards, "Sometimes you feel like you have to behave as a man and not talk about women's issues.... She wants to be commander in chief. But she's just not as vocal a women's advocate as I want to see. John is."
In light of these statements pitting Clinton against Edwards on women's issues, we decided to conduct a scientific study to determine who is more of a woman... John Edwards or Hillary Clinton. The results will astound you.
To conduct our experiment, we used proprietary face recognition software from myheritage.com. After importing images of the two candidates, the mega-computers at myheritage matched the facial dimensions and distinctions against their tremendous database of celebrities and other recognizable individuals. To keep the results fair, we also included an image of Elizabeth Edwards to act as a null sample.
The images you see here are real. When the M.H. computers were asked to identify similar looking people, all three of our subjects created high-tech gender confusion. Hillary Clinton's picture returned the following lookalikes: Lucille Ball, Susan Sarandon, Sir Ian McKellen and Jon Voight.
The computers surmised that John Edwards resembled Tony Danza, Joe Montana and Katie Couric.
As for our null subject, Elizabeth Edwards - she too caused gender dysphoria. Her results: Joan Colins, Consuelo Velazquez and Chinese revolutionary Sun Yat Sen.
Having reached a tie in our computerized assessment of womanliness, we then turned to a subjective analysis of womanly traits displayed by the candidates. A point system was created. For instance, John Edwards' propensity for expensive hairdos and the amount of time he spends grooming himself earned 8 woman points. If a candidate showed a tendency to let their wives fight their battles for them, 6 woman points were awarded. If a candidate was in actuality a physical woman with breasts and female genitalia, the highest award of 10 points was given.
And the results...
According to our study, Hillary Clinton is slightly more of a woman than John Edwards. Elizabeth Edwards' assertion that her husband is more of a woman is wrong.
Presidential Candidate Mr Breakfast will continue to point out the foibles and goofs of all the candidates (regardless of party) until they reveal a position on the importance of breakfast.
Posted on July 19, 2007 12:42 AM | Permalink | Comments (3)
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Comments (3)
Suggestion, Don't give up your day job, if you have one!
PS. You are proof that more and more the internet is becoming just another great wasteland.
Posted by nijode | August 5, 2007 11:42 AM
Posted on August 5, 2007 11:42
Hmmmn... I think that last comment was probably from Elizabeth Edwards. But seriously, I hope you'll still vote for me. Vote For Breakfast 2008!
Posted by Mr Breakfast | August 7, 2007 9:29 AM
Posted on August 7, 2007 09:29
I do not approve of my photo comparison with Elizabeth Edwards. I am much prettier. However, I commend you on your humor. Disregard that feeble-minded oaf nijad. Obviously, he or she has party-affiliation issues and a lack of direction in his/her life.
Posted by Sun Yat Sen | December 26, 2007 2:20 PM
Posted on December 26, 2007 14:20