My press agent, the great Kellie Dancho at Lush Inc. Los Angles was approached this week by a certain afternoon talk show. They're interested in having your candidate on and it's been requested that we send them a short synopsis as to why The Vote For Breakfast Campaign is interesting and important. Naturally, I'm excited and extremely happy to spread our message to a new TV audience, but I have to wonder... do the other candidates have to submit a profile before they appear on a television show. The answer is no. And do you know why?

If you really have something to say... something new... something that can save America... then people want it on paper. Nobody wants a campaign synopsis from Hillary Clinton or Rudy Giuliani. There's an energy in the air my friends. Until now, the Presidential field resembled 20-odd carrots sauteing in a fry pan. Now let's add some bacon and watch this thing sizzle

Here's what we wrote:

The complete name of this new cereal is Oat Cluster Cheerios Crunch and it's described on the box as being "A cereal with a perfect blend of five lightly sweetened whole grains and crunchy oat clusters."

The five grains are oats, wheat, corn, rice and barley. Naturally, you would expect this new Cheerios to have more of a health-food taste than it's namesake. That isn't the case. The dounut-shaped cereal pieces mingle together to create a flavor more complex than original Cheerios. The oat-like taste that makes original Cheerios so distinctive is still present in this cereal, but because it's offset by other flavors, it actually tastes less like something that's good for you.

Now for the negative...

General Mills has got some nerve referring to their tiny, straggling, busted-up pieces of stuck-together oatmeal as "oat clusters". The so-called "clusters" are too few and too small to be included in the name of this cereal. Honest advertising and promotion would require that the pieces be called "Oat Bits" or "Oat Sparkles".

They have also taken enormous liberty with the word "crunch". The dinky "oat clusters" add little to no crunch to this cereal. In Oats For Breakfast 101, you learn that smaller oat pieces are responsible for for quick cooking instant oatmeal. The reason is that smaller pieces absorb liquid faster. So it should be different with milk in a bowl of cereal? It's not. If you want any respectable crunch out of this cereal, you had better eat it fast.

Let's end on a positive note...

If you ignore the powerful, misleading words on the box, this is a decent cereal. It's an interesting variation on an old favorite. While the "oat clusters" may be in short supply, they do impact the overall flavor, lending a sort of oatmeal-cookie-esque sweetness. I may have felt deceived, but I did enjoy the bowl I had for breakfast this morning.

Will I buy it again? No... not until the box says "Now With Bigger Oat Clusters" so I can try the cereal I was promised in the first place.

In my first week as President, I will propose legislation to define the size and nature of Oat Clusters. We can end this epidemic. If they are not large enough... if there are not enough of them... you should not name a cereal after them.

Breakfast is how we start our day and will not have my fellow Americans starting their day with a bowl of lies. Did you know that children under the age of 14 are more likely to identify the breakfast character Cap'n Crunch than Department of the Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson, Jr. That is a fact that I don't have to prove. It's true.

Good Americans start their day with a good breakfast. And "good" isn't just in the flavor, my friends. Goodness also includes honesty and fairness. You should be ale to expect goodness in your breakfast... and in your President. You can expect goodness from President Breakfast!

Political decorum dictates that I don't endorse any other candidate at this moment. However, it does seem appropriate, even imperative, that I do endorse certain breakfast products during the course of my campaign. Therefore, it with great pleasure that I give my full endorsement to...

Cinnamon Streusel Frosted Mini-Wheats

This is a great cereal. It has a classic vibe like it's been around since the early 1970's. This is a Frosted Mini-Wheat that was meant-to-be.

The box tells us that this new cereal has "Rich Streusel Flavor... The Taste of Frosted Cinnamon... Baked Into Every Bite". This descriptions doesn't quite capture the real essence. I'd be more inclined to say, "Frosted Mini-Wheats have just been kissed with a unique creamy, cinnamon goodness. It's not the kind of kiss that leaves a lipstick smear of cinnamon, but rather the other kind... a smooch that leaves behind a cinnamon smile."

If you like Frosted Mini-Wheats and you like cinnamon, I urge you to give this new cereal a try.

Please note that I, Mr Breakfast - Candidate for President, do not take any money from cereal manufacturers or any other special interest at this time. That is not to say that I'm not interested. If you are a cereal manufacture or other special interest and you would like to donate to this campaign, give me a call. As an unregistered Independent, there is no limit on the amount you can give. The sky is the limit. It's a win-win situation. Call me.

Vote For Breakfast 2008!

At Monday's CNN/YouTube Democratic Presidential Debate, New Mexico Governor Bill Richardson made a passing reference to breakfast while answering a question about healthcare reform. "(A) healthy breakfast for every child," he proclaimed.

While Richardson's comment pertained specifically to breakfast in our nation's schools, it does indicate that he may have an understanding of the importance breakfast to our nation as a whole.

Our campaign is very excited about Richardson's admission. Mr Breakfast said in a statement earlier today, "Good for him. I kind of like that guy. He looks like a big friendly guy you'd meet in a bowling alley."

Governor Richardson fell short of mentioning the proven benefits of breakfast (including improved student test scores, lower obesity rates, lower risk for tooth decay and a tendency for breakfast eaters to smoke less and drink less alcohol than those who skip breakfast). However, he did take an important step in bringing this important issue to the level of national debate.

This campaign has stated that it would endorse any and all candidates who provide a position on the importance of breakfast. In doing so, this site would also discontinue any kidding or jiving directed at said candidate(s). Unfortunately, Bill Richardson's fleeting mention of breakfast does not count as a "position on breakfast". We look forward to a public statement from Governor Richardson implying that breakfast is important to all Americans.

In the meantime, please learn more about Bill Richardson from our articles, "Bill Richardson Whacks Photographer With Baseball" and "Bill Richardson Looks Like Dwarf Actor".

There is no indication yet whether Candidate Richardson will endorse the Vote For Breakfast Campaign when he eventually drops out the the race.

From April 2006 to April 2007, grocery prices have risen 3.9%. Over the last 5 years, food prices have increased 12.2% nationwide. Among the items whose prices have risen the fastest are eggs, milk, bread and breakfast cereal. This morning, I went to my local grocery store with the intention of buying and trying new Chocolate Chex breakfast cereal. I stood in the cereal isle with my head hung in disgust. The price for a box was over $5.00. I left the store with nothing... nothing but sadness and a renewed vigor to fight this injustice. Every time I stand in my grocery store with a feeling of disgust, millions of mothers stand in similar stores with feelings of despair. Grocery prices outpaced the national inflation rate by 1.3% last year and there is no foreseeable end to this trend. When breakfast is in danger, America is in danger.

Meanwhile, the Associated Press reported that Mitt Romney and his wife hold assets worth between $190 million and $250 million. Their joint interest checking accounts with Bank of America have between $5 million and $25 million. Rudy Giuliani reported assets of as much as $70 million. Hillary Clinton reported that she was worth up to $51 million. John Edwards reported assets of $30 million. Barack Obama said he was worth up to $1.1 million.

We vote for millionaires while inflation slowly destroys us. In my first week as President, I will create a commission to investigate unfair price increases in the food industry. I will also propose a bill whereby politicians whose annual earnings exceed one million dollars will have their assets temporarily seized. At that time, for a duration of one week, they must live in my apartment, drive my crappy car and buy their own groceries at the Ralph's grocery store down my street,... where they will be financially raped every time they buy a box of cereal. Only then will they understand what it means to be a real American in 2007.

Additional Sources: Chicago Sun Times, Yahoo News