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New Cereal Sparks National Policy on Oat Clusters
July 23, 2007
The complete name of this new cereal is Oat Cluster Cheerios Crunch and it's described on the box as being "A cereal with a perfect blend of five lightly sweetened whole grains and crunchy oat clusters."
The five grains are oats, wheat, corn, rice and barley. Naturally, you would expect this new Cheerios to have more of a health-food taste than it's namesake. That isn't the case. The dounut-shaped cereal pieces mingle together to create a flavor more complex than original Cheerios. The oat-like taste that makes original Cheerios so distinctive is still present in this cereal, but because it's offset by other flavors, it actually tastes less like something that's good for you.
Now for the negative...
General Mills has got some nerve referring to their tiny, straggling, busted-up pieces of stuck-together oatmeal as "oat clusters". The so-called "clusters" are too few and too small to be included in the name of this cereal. Honest advertising and promotion would require that the pieces be called "Oat Bits" or "Oat Sparkles".
They have also taken enormous liberty with the word "crunch". The dinky "oat clusters" add little to no crunch to this cereal. In Oats For Breakfast 101, you learn that smaller oat pieces are responsible for for quick cooking instant oatmeal. The reason is that smaller pieces absorb liquid faster. So it should be different with milk in a bowl of cereal? It's not. If you want any respectable crunch out of this cereal, you had better eat it fast.
Let's end on a positive note...
If you ignore the powerful, misleading words on the box, this is a decent cereal. It's an interesting variation on an old favorite. While the "oat clusters" may be in short supply, they do impact the overall flavor, lending a sort of oatmeal-cookie-esque sweetness. I may have felt deceived, but I did enjoy the bowl I had for breakfast this morning.
Will I buy it again? No... not until the box says "Now With Bigger Oat Clusters" so I can try the cereal I was promised in the first place.
In my first week as President, I will propose legislation to define the size and nature of Oat Clusters. We can end this epidemic. If they are not large enough... if there are not enough of them... you should not name a cereal after them.
Breakfast is how we start our day and will not have my fellow Americans starting their day with a bowl of lies. Did you know that children under the age of 14 are more likely to identify the breakfast character Cap'n Crunch than Department of the Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson, Jr. That is a fact that I don't have to prove. It's true.
Good Americans start their day with a good breakfast. And "good" isn't just in the flavor, my friends. Goodness also includes honesty and fairness. You should be ale to expect goodness in your breakfast... and in your President. You can expect goodness from President Breakfast!
Posted on July 23, 2007 3:17 PM | Permalink
July 23, 2007
The complete name of this new cereal is Oat Cluster Cheerios Crunch and it's described on the box as being "A cereal with a perfect blend of five lightly sweetened whole grains and crunchy oat clusters."
The five grains are oats, wheat, corn, rice and barley. Naturally, you would expect this new Cheerios to have more of a health-food taste than it's namesake. That isn't the case. The dounut-shaped cereal pieces mingle together to create a flavor more complex than original Cheerios. The oat-like taste that makes original Cheerios so distinctive is still present in this cereal, but because it's offset by other flavors, it actually tastes less like something that's good for you.
Now for the negative...
General Mills has got some nerve referring to their tiny, straggling, busted-up pieces of stuck-together oatmeal as "oat clusters". The so-called "clusters" are too few and too small to be included in the name of this cereal. Honest advertising and promotion would require that the pieces be called "Oat Bits" or "Oat Sparkles".
They have also taken enormous liberty with the word "crunch". The dinky "oat clusters" add little to no crunch to this cereal. In Oats For Breakfast 101, you learn that smaller oat pieces are responsible for for quick cooking instant oatmeal. The reason is that smaller pieces absorb liquid faster. So it should be different with milk in a bowl of cereal? It's not. If you want any respectable crunch out of this cereal, you had better eat it fast.
Let's end on a positive note...
If you ignore the powerful, misleading words on the box, this is a decent cereal. It's an interesting variation on an old favorite. While the "oat clusters" may be in short supply, they do impact the overall flavor, lending a sort of oatmeal-cookie-esque sweetness. I may have felt deceived, but I did enjoy the bowl I had for breakfast this morning.
Will I buy it again? No... not until the box says "Now With Bigger Oat Clusters" so I can try the cereal I was promised in the first place.
In my first week as President, I will propose legislation to define the size and nature of Oat Clusters. We can end this epidemic. If they are not large enough... if there are not enough of them... you should not name a cereal after them.
Breakfast is how we start our day and will not have my fellow Americans starting their day with a bowl of lies. Did you know that children under the age of 14 are more likely to identify the breakfast character Cap'n Crunch than Department of the Treasury Secretary Henry M. Paulson, Jr. That is a fact that I don't have to prove. It's true.
Good Americans start their day with a good breakfast. And "good" isn't just in the flavor, my friends. Goodness also includes honesty and fairness. You should be ale to expect goodness in your breakfast... and in your President. You can expect goodness from President Breakfast!
Posted on July 23, 2007 3:17 PM | Permalink
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